ill be okay... right?

Yesterday was hard.
I went to frankston to get some of my stuff from my mums house while they were at the snow.
Turns out the buses run like every 4 hours now so I had to walk. But it was nice.
I walked down all the streets I used to walk down every day. I passed my old school. It felt like a massive dream, like I was back at home again.

When I got to mums house I walked in the front door and my head flooded with old memories. Memories of the amazing times, memories of the unbearable times.
Small changes throughout the house made me feel forgotten about and like I never existed.
I walked into my room and thats where I broke down. I remembered the last moments I had spent in my room. I had been crying for weeks on end, just laying in bed desperate to end my life.
I cried remembering Nick and the incredible moments we shared together. I wondered what my life would have been like if I hadnt have gone on msn that one time. Thats when he broke up with me. I was in love. We were in love. I dont know what happened. It was the silliest little argument yet it screwed my life over forever.
I miss spending nights with my mum and my brother. Even though they usually consisted of me being yelled at, I miss the company. Sure it was hard being abused each night but it sure beats the fuck out of never having anyone to talk to. Im so alone here. I just want a friend. Every time I become friends with someone I seem to fuck it all up. I know ive changed and id do anything to go back to the old me. The old me that was capable of making friends and not fucking it all up.
I promised myself that when I go back to school things will be different. Ill talk to people.
But in reality I know im only kidding myself. And I know that deniz will do what ever he can to bring me down. Like those guys he told to bash me... great.
Ill be okay though. I have to be. If im not okay then ive let him win.. its what he wants. I wont give in to his cunt-like ways.