SO EFFING MUCH
and i hate those half assed apologies the voice over gives
yeah you sure dont care if im late
"fuck you.. fuck you very very muuuuuch.. coz we hate what you do and we hate your whole crew so please dont stay in touchhhh"
connex..yuck
they dont even have a "contact us" part so i can abuse them.
im currently at home because they delayed my train by so much that i was going to be late and my teacher doesnt let us in if we're late..fuck it
but i got a SAC this afternoon.
if connex make me late theyre fucking gone bitch :@
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
reading back over these blogs..
wow
even those days are gone.
i had it good then.
but i guess you never realise what you have until its gone
i should be greatful ^__^
even those days are gone.
i had it good then.
but i guess you never realise what you have until its gone
i should be greatful ^__^
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Maybe.
Maybe its because I went to bed some time after 6am, got woken up at 7.30am and had a 5 hour shift at work today. Or maybe its because im slowly going insane.
But I started crying my heart out and im trying so hard to hold it in. Thats how terribly bad I want to re-live last night and never let that moment end. Everything disappeared. I havent felt so accepted in nearly 6 months. It will never happen again like that and im aching and depressed because its all I want.
No I dont wish to write every single detail of what exactly happened. But I do wish to say that I am so overwhelmed with an incredible amount of emotions that I cant stop crying.
I will never forget last night. It will forever stay in my heart.
But I started crying my heart out and im trying so hard to hold it in. Thats how terribly bad I want to re-live last night and never let that moment end. Everything disappeared. I havent felt so accepted in nearly 6 months. It will never happen again like that and im aching and depressed because its all I want.
No I dont wish to write every single detail of what exactly happened. But I do wish to say that I am so overwhelmed with an incredible amount of emotions that I cant stop crying.
I will never forget last night. It will forever stay in my heart.
Monday, August 11, 2008
changes
Im noticing the changes in myself.
Punch ons used to scare me. I could never watch. I always had to cover my eyes..
Now they help me sleep at night. They give me reason to smile.
I used to cuddle everybody. Going an entire day without cuddles made my body ache.
Now it frustrates me when people touch me all the time.
I used to love spending endless days with chick friends. and now I only have 2 chick friends over here and im not even that close with them.
I keep getting so angry and frustrated all the time. Arguments keep happening. I remember I used to give in at the slightest sign of a potential fight.
I even broke edge by smoking.
Whats happening to me?
I dont like it.
Punch ons used to scare me. I could never watch. I always had to cover my eyes..
Now they help me sleep at night. They give me reason to smile.
I used to cuddle everybody. Going an entire day without cuddles made my body ache.
Now it frustrates me when people touch me all the time.
I used to love spending endless days with chick friends. and now I only have 2 chick friends over here and im not even that close with them.
I keep getting so angry and frustrated all the time. Arguments keep happening. I remember I used to give in at the slightest sign of a potential fight.
I even broke edge by smoking.
Whats happening to me?
I dont like it.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
confused about life.
I had my 4th shift today.
I work at red rooster lolol. Like I didnt even apply. Wtf.
He called me out of nowhere.. weird.
But its amazing. The people there make me laugh so much. And one of our managers sounds EXACTLY like arnold schwartzenegger.. its insane! I love his accent so much.
I made friends with these two guys.. one from broadmeadows and one from moonee ponds but like they both are good mates with each other. I got close with one of them. We kissed and held hands and stuff.
We both promised we wouldnt hook up with anyone else while we were like that.
Big mistake.
I found out he hooked up with someone at his party so im all what the fuck. Then I found out it was his own cousin :|
then I get totally dumped coz he and his cousin have been in love for ages. Man I dont know whether im crushed or freaked out. LOL.
Put me off relationships for a fair while.
Im also becoming close with a guy from Preston. Hes so friendly :)
I still have no idea what to get him for his bday (which was like 2 weeks ago heh). I told him my present was the best present ever. Got no idea what it actually is yet tho shh ;)
And yeah.
Im desperate to drop out of school at the end of the year, only I dont think ill be able to get into my tafe course coz you need to have completed year 12.. unless I apply as a mature aged student when im 21? But what do I do for the next 5 years? Too hard. I got no idea. Im just gonna go with whatever happens. Leave it for fate to decide.
I work at red rooster lolol. Like I didnt even apply. Wtf.
He called me out of nowhere.. weird.
But its amazing. The people there make me laugh so much. And one of our managers sounds EXACTLY like arnold schwartzenegger.. its insane! I love his accent so much.
I made friends with these two guys.. one from broadmeadows and one from moonee ponds but like they both are good mates with each other. I got close with one of them. We kissed and held hands and stuff.
We both promised we wouldnt hook up with anyone else while we were like that.
Big mistake.
I found out he hooked up with someone at his party so im all what the fuck. Then I found out it was his own cousin :|
then I get totally dumped coz he and his cousin have been in love for ages. Man I dont know whether im crushed or freaked out. LOL.
Put me off relationships for a fair while.
Im also becoming close with a guy from Preston. Hes so friendly :)
I still have no idea what to get him for his bday (which was like 2 weeks ago heh). I told him my present was the best present ever. Got no idea what it actually is yet tho shh ;)
And yeah.
Im desperate to drop out of school at the end of the year, only I dont think ill be able to get into my tafe course coz you need to have completed year 12.. unless I apply as a mature aged student when im 21? But what do I do for the next 5 years? Too hard. I got no idea. Im just gonna go with whatever happens. Leave it for fate to decide.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
ill be okay... right?
Yesterday was hard.
I went to frankston to get some of my stuff from my mums house while they were at the snow.
Turns out the buses run like every 4 hours now so I had to walk. But it was nice.
I walked down all the streets I used to walk down every day. I passed my old school. It felt like a massive dream, like I was back at home again.
When I got to mums house I walked in the front door and my head flooded with old memories. Memories of the amazing times, memories of the unbearable times.
Small changes throughout the house made me feel forgotten about and like I never existed.
I walked into my room and thats where I broke down. I remembered the last moments I had spent in my room. I had been crying for weeks on end, just laying in bed desperate to end my life.
I cried remembering Nick and the incredible moments we shared together. I wondered what my life would have been like if I hadnt have gone on msn that one time. Thats when he broke up with me. I was in love. We were in love. I dont know what happened. It was the silliest little argument yet it screwed my life over forever.
I miss spending nights with my mum and my brother. Even though they usually consisted of me being yelled at, I miss the company. Sure it was hard being abused each night but it sure beats the fuck out of never having anyone to talk to. Im so alone here. I just want a friend. Every time I become friends with someone I seem to fuck it all up. I know ive changed and id do anything to go back to the old me. The old me that was capable of making friends and not fucking it all up.
I promised myself that when I go back to school things will be different. Ill talk to people.
But in reality I know im only kidding myself. And I know that deniz will do what ever he can to bring me down. Like those guys he told to bash me... great.
Ill be okay though. I have to be. If im not okay then ive let him win.. its what he wants. I wont give in to his cunt-like ways.
I went to frankston to get some of my stuff from my mums house while they were at the snow.
Turns out the buses run like every 4 hours now so I had to walk. But it was nice.
I walked down all the streets I used to walk down every day. I passed my old school. It felt like a massive dream, like I was back at home again.
When I got to mums house I walked in the front door and my head flooded with old memories. Memories of the amazing times, memories of the unbearable times.
Small changes throughout the house made me feel forgotten about and like I never existed.
I walked into my room and thats where I broke down. I remembered the last moments I had spent in my room. I had been crying for weeks on end, just laying in bed desperate to end my life.
I cried remembering Nick and the incredible moments we shared together. I wondered what my life would have been like if I hadnt have gone on msn that one time. Thats when he broke up with me. I was in love. We were in love. I dont know what happened. It was the silliest little argument yet it screwed my life over forever.
I miss spending nights with my mum and my brother. Even though they usually consisted of me being yelled at, I miss the company. Sure it was hard being abused each night but it sure beats the fuck out of never having anyone to talk to. Im so alone here. I just want a friend. Every time I become friends with someone I seem to fuck it all up. I know ive changed and id do anything to go back to the old me. The old me that was capable of making friends and not fucking it all up.
I promised myself that when I go back to school things will be different. Ill talk to people.
But in reality I know im only kidding myself. And I know that deniz will do what ever he can to bring me down. Like those guys he told to bash me... great.
Ill be okay though. I have to be. If im not okay then ive let him win.. its what he wants. I wont give in to his cunt-like ways.
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